From Papa... to Father!

Papa,

Forgive me, but

When did you decide to be my ‘father’,

With your political correctness

And unending prior engagements??

Why aren’t you my hero now?

Then, won’t you listen to what

I have to say?

Keep your prejudices aside and

Look at the world that I see?

Won’t you shake your head, and

Take a step back,

And acknowledge my proud grin

As reasonable?

I may be wrong,

But you are not right, not at all,

And we both know that!

I am left dangling, uncertain;

My one self rooted, obliged

To not let you down,

The other, thrashing

Against your rules,

Yearning for the world unknown –

That beats the drum

And shouts out to me.

I might as well sit down here

And claim the threshold,

While my two minds fight,

And wait with silent dread

For the impending estrangement.

I know there isn't a lot of vocabulary in this one, but it has a lot to do with emotions. Let me know if u like it, and yes, even if u don't!!

AH! PROMISES..

When, sitting in college, I got frustrated at the immediate loneliness and anonymity, I wrote it for my school friends… If only I could ever grow out of them!

I know I should move on,

I promised you, I know;

And I have tried to blend in here...

Nothing seems to work, though.

At times like these, when we people sit

And smile and charm our ways through,

Some words, some melodies trigger off

The locked up memories of you.

I seem to go in a trance,

And you are again with me.

We laugh, we sigh; my dreams

Take over my reality.

The people here call my name,

Beginning to like my company.

But I steal a few moments for you…

I never promised myself, you see!

My blind God

Okay.... this one came out in a few moments of  extreme anguish and pain, when i wanted to call up many people and let me tell all the pretty and good stuff about myself. But i abstained, only because i want to test the strength of my heart, to the tests taken by God. Moreover, i did not wnt to act like a constant nagging presence in their lives, so.. yaeh..

MY BLIND GOD

O tears mine, on the verge, stop!

You shall not show, not now;

Let me grow cold, blind, deaf,

Then they may go on explaining, somehow.

Whatever became of my efforts,

my talent and perseverance?

Humbug, that! The choice was made.

The duel? A mere pretense…

Oh! Go on now! Try,

Console me however you can.

But no smile shall appear hither…

Dejection, too, becomes a man.

Break down I will, but only

In front of the plain mirror.

My salt-mingled, bitter cries

Are only for the God to hear.

A gnash it is to my being; used

As I am to acceptance, fair.

Lord! Pray, tell, why change your ways?

For I now belong nowhere.

Your own men are devils now,

Ripping souls and grabbing their fills.

I shall search for a flicker of light,

Hah! My God shall go on blind still!

If God was just, he would let me come out. But he is burying my talent, still deep and deeper inside. Enclosed, captivated in a whole, open, endless world; walking blindly without a path, that is how I feel right now. Sometimes I wonder if shouting and screaming would do me any good… Yes, yes it would! It would give me the relief of venting out the fumes of His injustice, that have been clogging up my insides. And I would never want to tell this to the people who mean the most to me. My weaknesses (oh! So many) I want to hide this time. There is no reason for it, no ‘because’. And I promise, I would never kneel to His will of my non-existence.