My blind God

Okay.... this one came out in a few moments of  extreme anguish and pain, when i wanted to call up many people and let me tell all the pretty and good stuff about myself. But i abstained, only because i want to test the strength of my heart, to the tests taken by God. Moreover, i did not wnt to act like a constant nagging presence in their lives, so.. yaeh..

MY BLIND GOD

O tears mine, on the verge, stop!

You shall not show, not now;

Let me grow cold, blind, deaf,

Then they may go on explaining, somehow.

Whatever became of my efforts,

my talent and perseverance?

Humbug, that! The choice was made.

The duel? A mere pretense…

Oh! Go on now! Try,

Console me however you can.

But no smile shall appear hither…

Dejection, too, becomes a man.

Break down I will, but only

In front of the plain mirror.

My salt-mingled, bitter cries

Are only for the God to hear.

A gnash it is to my being; used

As I am to acceptance, fair.

Lord! Pray, tell, why change your ways?

For I now belong nowhere.

Your own men are devils now,

Ripping souls and grabbing their fills.

I shall search for a flicker of light,

Hah! My God shall go on blind still!

If God was just, he would let me come out. But he is burying my talent, still deep and deeper inside. Enclosed, captivated in a whole, open, endless world; walking blindly without a path, that is how I feel right now. Sometimes I wonder if shouting and screaming would do me any good… Yes, yes it would! It would give me the relief of venting out the fumes of His injustice, that have been clogging up my insides. And I would never want to tell this to the people who mean the most to me. My weaknesses (oh! So many) I want to hide this time. There is no reason for it, no ‘because’. And I promise, I would never kneel to His will of my non-existence.